i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
we should paint friendship bongs
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