STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
