your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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