Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
