My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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