he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
