You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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