I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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