The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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