FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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