I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
