walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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