My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
