Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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