that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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