she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize