Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
