I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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