How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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