It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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