Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize