So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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