new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
