you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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