YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
