Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
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