someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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