I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
