I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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