He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
