True but thats because hes a fetus.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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