I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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