So drunk its hurt
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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