My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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