just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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