He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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