just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
