dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So vagazzling was a success
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
