A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
