my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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