In the future we'll all be gay
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
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