escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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