We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
This house was built for laser tag.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
