hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
