so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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