There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
