If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
