I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
