i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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