Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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