Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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