so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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