He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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