Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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