maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
