It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
