i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
