No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
