Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
