Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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