literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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