Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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